I recently had the opportunity to speak with an Asian gentleman, Ryker Koh who has just released a product Asian Dating Superstars.
In it, he has interviewed 12 famous Asian dating coaches who reveal how ordinary Asian guys can overcome a lot of the limiting beliefs and insecurities they have about being Asian, so as to become attractive to women.
I sat down with Ryker and interviewed him to get his take about the different challenges that Asian guys face when dating, the real reasons behind the source of these fears and insecurities and what they can do about these.
To find out more about Ryker’s course Asian Dating Superstars, click here.
Lee: Ryker, what are some of the common challenges that Asian men face when trying to date and attract women?
Ryker: Lee, you know what, that’s a really good question.
Being Asian myself, I have spent the good part of my adult life trying to figure out why Asian guys are just not getting the same kind of success with women and dating as guys of the other races.
I thought at first it was just a lack of knowledge, or just some general reason like approach anxiety but if you look at reasons like these, they apply to almost all the races, and not just Asian men.
Everyone starts out not knowing what to say, feeling a little nervous, but that did not explain why Asian men were doing far worse than other guys.
And it wasn’t until I stopped and asked many Asian guys did I find out the real reasons.
The first reason is that most Asian guys spend too much time worrying and fearing that girls will mock them and dislike them straight away because they are Asian. No kidding, before they walk up, they feel the girls are already against them.
Now, most guys I know have 2 reactions to this.
The first group decideds to resign himself to this sad fate and they slink away into the darkness, too afraid to approach. The second react in anger and outrage, and they approach over-aggressively, like they have a point to prove, and therefore scare the poor girl off.
Both positions assume an immediate “under-dog” mindset – that being Asian is some limitation to overcome.
Now most Asian guys feel this way because the media has been extremely unfair towards the Asian male population and really, if you look at the situation, it’s almost inexcusable.
Asian men in the movies are almost always the nerdy, geeky computer programmer who is either ignored or laughed at and ridiculed, or we are stereotyped as the kung-fu king who can kick butt, speak heavily-accented Chinese but nothing more.
And prolonged watching of this Hollywood garbage means that most Asian guys have slowly assimilated this poisonous identity.
Add to that the very lack of positive Asian male stereotypes and you have a growing generation of Asian men who think that being nerdy and geeky is the meaning of being Asian, which is a bunch of nonsense.
Now the whole Asian upbringing by our parents and the whole Asian culture as an entity is such that we value obedience, harmony and respect, more than being vocal, over-expressive and opinionated.
Most Asian guys reading this know when you are young and you decide to get smart and mouth something clever back to your mum, you get one across the face straightaway for disrespect.
After a while, you learn that the best way to live is to be quiet, be obedient and not say too much. We play it safe, we don’t over-step the boundaries, and we work hard – which is all and good, but it is absolutely destructive when you bring that attitude to meeting women.
The common complaint white girls and even just girls have in general about Asian guys are they are just too quiet, too stoic, too non-expressive.
They sit in the corner, have barely nothing to say, just stare at the girl and after a while, the girl is either creeped out or she just plain overlooks you and thinks you are transparent.
Sometimes even, the girl forgets your name and she forgets that you even exists and that is really terrible.
Finally, as a culture, Asian guys are born thinking and analyzing a lot more. Just look at the number of computer scientists, engineers and mathematicians we produce as a culture, we are born analytical and we can break things down quickly.
Now, while that’s good for getting through college, that sucks for talking to girls because most Asian guys spend the whole time, plotting their next move like playing Chinese Chess. They try to over-think the interaction, second-guess the girl when they should be paying attention to her.
The end result is the conversation gets awkward, or the girl just feels she is ignored and that you are not paying attention to her and she walks off in an angry puff, leaving you there standing all alone with your drink in your hand.
Lee: Why do some of these issues happen?
Ryker: To answer that question, Lee, we have to head back to the source of almost all mental programming most Asian guys have, namely the family unit, the mass media and the peer group.
Now the first thing you have to understand is that as a culture, Asians tend to stick together, and value harmony and conformity over Western ideals like independence, speaking out and being opinionated.
From young, the Asian male is taught to obey, to conform, to live up to certain ideals set by his elders. And if he even dares to transgress on these laws, he is dealt with the firm slap across the face from his elders.
There is much to be proud of in the Asian culture, but when the average Asian guy begins to be over-obedient, and too rigid because of conditioning, he carries this forward to everyday social interactions and that’s when the whole mess happens.
He is seen as rigid, uncomfortable, ill-at-ease in interactions or at times, regarded as quiet and even “a rock” who just sits there and barely has anything to say, any reaction. The girls think he is weird, and just plain avoid him because they don’t know what to make of him.
He just fades into the background, unnoticed and that’s a very sad place to be.
Also, the western media re-enforces this stereotype and it really hurts because prolonged viewing of such shows makes Asian guys slowly assimilate and absorb this negative identity.
Eventually, they feel that being nerdy, geeky and being a laughing stock is part and parcel of being Asian – which is totally wrong.
Their peer group too may re-enforce this too – by either being very defeatist and just surrendering to this negative stereotype or being very angry and trying to prove a point.
Both of which only further re-enforce the misguided identity that being Asian is weak and a handicap that has to be overcome.
Finally, many Asian guys are not blessed with the tallest of height or broadest of frames. In fact, they are sometimes shorter than average and not as muscular, and when they see guys of other races being taller, buffer and more dominant in appearance, they immediately give up and assume it’s game over for them.
All these factors result in a vicious cycle that causes Asian guys to be a subject of mocking and teasing by girls and the media, and the chief reason why they get so little respect.
Lee: Knowing all these things, what do you suggest Asian guys do in order to improve with women and overcome all these challenges they face?
Ryker: Now, this is what I would suggest first to every Asian guy out there who wants to achieve a breakthrough with women and dating.
The number one thing you can do for yourself is to find a strong role-model, so dominant and so completely different that just watching or listening to him completely and permanently smashes all limiting beliefs you ever had.
When you feel such a role model, so strong, so capable, so full of confidence and ability and you hear his stories, his thoughts and listen to him talk, you will immediately realize that all you once believed was false, and that being Asian is not a handicap, and that Asians can get good with women.
In my product Asian Dating Superstars http://www.asiandatingsuperstars.com/affiliates.php I don’t just provide you with one role model – I provide you with 12!
No kidding, 12 Asian guys who have had to rise from deeper ashes than most probably all the Asian readers reading this right now.
Some of them had to endure more shame, teasing, mocking, racist Asian comments than you can ever imagine, but each of them rose above these to become successful.
So when you listen to their stories and their thoughts, you begin to think – hey these guys are Asian, they understand how I feel but they too manage to succeed, maybe I can do this after all!
Now, the second thing you must do is to understand that no matter where you are right now, your situation can be improved and your life can be changed.
There is no reason to despair, no reason to give up – no matter what stage of life you are at, no matter how bad you think your current state is.
Everything can be done, provided you know what to do.
The 12 Asian dating coaches on my product Asian Dating Superstars will show you exactly how, taking your hand from whatever state you are in right now and guiding you towards being the confident, attractive man that was born inside you from day one.
And why can they do that?
Because most of them started in about the same bad shape as most Asian guys. Rejected left and right, girls avoiding them or toying with them before breaking their hearts, they have all been there.
But look where they are now, the same guys who used to laugh at them are now their students. You can be just as successful if you know how.
What I have done with Asian Dating Superstars http://www.asiandatingsuperstars.com/affiliates.php
is gotten them to reveal their own personal journey and transformation, and the very best of their personal learnings – and along the way, shatter every single one of the common limiting beliefs most Asian guys have that prevents them from succeeding.
Quite a few Asian guys carry a ton of emotional baggage when it comes to meeting and attracting women and you bet the women can sense it. They can smell if you have low-esteem, if you are afraid, if you don’t think much of yourself.
The key is after listening to the Asian Dating Superstar [Your Affiliate Link here] series, you will learn to drop a lot of this emotional baggage you’ve been carrying for so long, and begin to feel better about being an Asian male, regardless of what your past history is.
It’s like that strange moment of total clarity when you realize that yes, I can actually do this and you feel absolute self-confidence.
And one final piece of advice is this. You have to take risks.
Quit being too safe, too obedient, there are times when there is an opportunity you want right in front of you, and you have to squash everything else and go and grab it.
Overcoming fear can be tough, it can really be something so terrifying that you might feel weak at the knees just thinking about it. But still, it is only by pushing through that fear can you conquer and defeat your fears, once and for all.
In Asian Dating Superstars [Your Affiliate Link here], I get the 12 Asian coaches to reveal how they used highly-effective techniques to defeat their previously negative and harmful thinking, and permanently banish negative thoughts about Asian stereotypes, once and for all.
With this, you will learn how to get in touch with your natural masculine self and build unstoppable confidence. The fears and insecurities you had previously will melt away and you will find that your hands stop shaking, your teeth stop chattering and you stop shivering or stammering when you talk to girls.
You will be more expressive, more fluid and more natural.
I have not seen any other program out there this specific for the Asian population. I am Asian and I have been in the dumps before, girls rejecting me like I was invisible and transparent so I know exactly how Asian guys feel.
I am going to go one step further and say this – if you want to stop being rejected by women, stop feeling insecure about being Asian, stop leaving parties and social events feeling rotten and sorry for yourself, you will find the solution right here.
It’s time for Asian men to stop feeling sorry for themselves and to dust themselves up and get the respect we have always deserved, both as an individual and as a culture.
And I feel the journey begins here.
Do it for yourself. You deserve it this time.
Visit Asian Dating Superstars http://www.asiandatingsuperstars.com/affiliates.php
now. It could very well be the answer you were always
(For more information on how you too can overcome the negative self-beliefs you have about being Asian, and permanently eliminate almost all the Asian-related insecurities you have to become more confident and attractive to women, visit Asian Dating Superstars
now. It could very well be the answer you were always looking for.)
Live The Dream,