Ovidiu George Lazar guest posts on natural game here (enjoy it Smooth Nation):
The 3 Steps To Becoming Natural
“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”
Educating yourself on women and relationship is a two-edged sword. On one hand, it opens your eyes to the power that words, body language and personality have on people. On the other, it sucks you into a kind of vortex where you’re always inclined to trust “gurus” before yourself.
This is a story of crossing the bridge between being a “social robot” and a man who knows what he wants (and how to get it).
They say there is no magic pill. They also say that the hardest problems have the easiest solutions. They say you just have to believe and the Universe will give you everything you need. All of that is true if you just know how to ask the right questions.
For me, the one thing that helped me become natural, my magic pill, if you like, was to ask myself a simple question.
Once I did that, my mind automatically started giving out all the answers I needed. The domino pieces were in motion. In a nutshell, it was an epiphany.
The only question I had to ask myself was…
What do I really want?
I know it may sound cheesy but bear with me. All the guys that I met who are really good with women ask themselves this question constantly. Just walking around with them for 5 minutes and you could tell that they had a really strong sense of purpose.
They’re always thinking of things they want and how to get them.
Now, between a guy who’s using his brain 24/7 to think about what he wants and ways to get it… and a newbie pick-up artist who’s constantly judging what’s right and wrong based on the latest eBook that he read… who do you think has more chances?
Now don’t get me wrong, reading is fantastic. I read all the time to expand my horizon. I absorb knowledge like a sponge. But at some point you need to ask yourself if the things you read are also the things you want.
And I’m not talking about things at a macro level, I’m talking about every little thing, every day, for the rest of your life.
When you’re out in a club and you see a group of girls, are you going for the hot one or for the not-so-hot one? I know guys who will never go for the one they really like.
Do you still want to see that girl if she ditched you 30 minutes before the date?
Do you still want that boring job where no one respects you?
Do you still want to hang out with annoying wingmen instead of good friends who are also looking to hook up?
Now, I don’t want you to think that you need to become this greedy dude who’s only thinking about himself. Helping other achieve their goals is equally important. It’s just that mot guys who are having trouble with women are so used to helping others that they forget about themselves.
When you ask yourself that magical question, make sure you come up with good answers to it. There’s no point in thinking small, is there?
You need to have a very detailed image in your head of the things you want. I know there are a lot of visualization exercises out there and I’m not going to go into those, but you get the idea. The more questions like this you ask, the clearer that picture in your head becomes.
Ok, before we move forward to step #2, let me give you some actual examples of some of the questions I asked myself in the past time and time again.
Do I really want to go out 4 times a week?
Do I really want to let the game take over my life?
Is this particular wing man helping me evolve? Will I get the kind of women I want if I keep hanging out with him?
Do I really want to spend all this time practicing taking phone numbers from girls I don’t really like? Just because “I have to”?
Do I really like where my job is taking me?
Do I want to stay home on a Friday night or go out and improve my social life?
Do I really want to delete her phone number just because she said “no”?
Ask yourself variations of this question as often as you can. THIS is how you become natural. It all starts with you wanting something. And it goes on with you questioning everything.
This was step 1 from my evolution.
One thing I noticed about successful people is that they’re visionaries. They always question things. By contrast, I was always listening to others and finding reasons why they are right. Not a bad thing if you don’t do it ALL THE TIME, like I used to do.
Why do we need to question others? Because a lot of the information we’re fed (in general, not just dating) may not apply to our own situation. You need to take that info and test it.
Club game might not work for you simply because you don’t like it. But meeting girls through social circles may feel 10 times more comfortable as well as rewarding for you. Or it could be the other way around.
When I got fed up with having no results with women, here’s what I said to myself:
“Ok, I’m tired of all these gurus telling me how they did it. I’m gonna try everything, stick to the things that work best and then try to improve them.”
Why did I take that decision? Because I didn’t want to devote my entire life to meeting women. I wanted to do other things like travel, reading and opening up a business.
So I questioned the need to go out every night. Lo and behold, I could get chicks just by going out twice a week!
I questioned the fact that I could get girls by standing out within the first few minutes. Well, what do you know, I could get girls just by being direct.
Yes, there were gurus who taught me that but I didn’t fall into the trap of being a groupie like some guys do. I listened to everyone and I tested everything.
Now, keep in mind that during this second step, I would always ask myself what I would want. You know, the one basic question. The mother of all questions.
I would allow the answers to those questions to guide me. So, when I asked myself “Do I really want to spend my entire time hooking up with all these women?”, my brain answered “No, not really. What I want is for you to find a balance: hook up with girls, raise a business and keep an eye out for girls that are also relationship-material”.
There’s no eBook that can tell you how to do that, right? Most just focus on one of them.
Ok, we got to the 3rd and final step of how I became natural. Most of my wingmen from back in the day when I would go out 4 times a week will probably reach this step.
The final step was to stop talking about women so darn much.
It’s counter-intuitive but it works like a charm. Instead of letting your brain get clogged with all these questions of why this chick rejected you and why the other wanted you, just empty of mind of all that noise.
Once you get to a certain point, there is no new information that you could learn. There are only experiences. But your brain still wants more info because it think that’s the solution.
Here’s the decision I took a few years back: I decided to let go of all the PUA jargon. I decided to start talking about other things (books, movies, cocktails, travel, cars) whenever I would feel the need to debate another social interaction.
You’ll never guess what happened.
It was as if I grew wings.
I rose above everyone else and I actually started to feel kind of bad for them. They were so caught up in this whole dating game, trying to debate every little thing, it made me smile. Scratch, that, it made me laugh.
There’s a certain level of frustration with guys who talk too much about game and I got rid of it. I felt like a new man, more confident and more energetic.
You know how you’re talking to a girl and all of the sudden you realize that the best thing you’re good at talking is about human interactions? Since that’s what you’ve been doing for months or even years, that’s what you’re good at.
Nothing wrong with that. Talking about relationships with girls is the best topic. Period.
However, if you want to move past that point and get more sexual, you have to give her the chance of getting to know you a little better.
So you have to practice talking about serious things. Not too much though, but you won’t believe the level of trust you can gain when a girl talks about her problems and you’re genuinely interested.
Still not convinced that not talking about game will help you improve it? You should learn from other’s mistakes. I’ve seen plenty of guys who are so caught up in this dating game that they see the entire world through their “dating glasses”. Everything is a power struggle between sexes to them. Every time they see a guy flirting with a girl they can’t help noticing all the subtleties of their interaction.
The sad part was they didn’t have much success with women at all. If you see a guy who’s a chick magnet talking about it, that’s great. But if you see a guy who’s probably still a virgin doing the same thing… well… it just doesn’t look right. Those guys should probably do more and talk less.
The fact of the matter is, the world is much more than a sex battle. Learn to enjoy other things by doing and talking about them, just like you did with dating.
Let’s do a small recap of the 3 steps that got me from a social robot to 100% natural. Now, if you paid attention to this article you know better than to follow my footsteps to the letter. However, I think step 1 is crucial for you so please don’t skip it and don’t alter it. Do it just the way I recommend.
Step 1: Constantly ask yourself what you want
High status dudes don’t go anywhere unless there’s something it it for them. They’re always looking for benefits with everything that they do.
Step 2: Question everything and everyone
Most people give advice that worked for them. This may or may not work for you. Test everything and see what works best in your situation.
Step 3: Get out of the PUA trap
Stop talking about dating and relationships so much. You won’t make it better by debating this topic to death. You have to have a very good feel for when things aren’t progressing, just like you sometimes reach a plateau at the gym.
The Lifestyle God,